I'm Walkin

I'm walking.

I had my first physio appointment yesterday. It was so good! he couldn't believe that I was actually sleeping with the walking cast on. he said, "It's for walking". I explained my schedule to him, leaving for tour tomorrow to do improv shows in school gymnasiums, then doing a physically demanding comedy after that. He gave me some great exercises I can do on the road. I stood. I stretched my leg. I stood up and sat down. I rode the bike. He said I can swim. In general I was being too soft on myself. It's like my thought when I broke it in the first place. If I had've been pointing straight down the hill it wouldn't have happened. My leg broke because I was being a pussy!

Before physio, I was at sushi with my brother telling all the news from my trip to calgary. The waiter walked into my leg and it twisted. I yelled, "FUCK!" and then realized everyone was looking at me.

On Wednesday, after the audition I tool the painkillers for the first time. Not for my leg. But they helped.

But now I don't need them, though I still miss her so much.

I am conceiving a plan to get my girlfriend back.

By letting go.

And walking away.

For now.

Where do I go from here?

cast off

So, on Sunday I flew to Calgary. And since then everything changed.

My old cast was cut off my leg with an electric saw. Then the clippers in the photo. I got a swanky new walking cast that I have to pay for later.

Then I drove to Edmonton to see my girlfriend.

I left in the morning. Alone.

Then I had tea with Keith Johnstone and heard some surprising news.

Came home trying to put the pieces back together.

Saw a play later, "PIG" where girls perform for a traveling tent show and then get cut up for meat. By a guy with an electric saw.

Tomorrow morning I have a callback for the musical.

And after that I will be wondering... where do I go from here?

the path to recovery

When you go for acupuncture, at least the place I went, you have to fill out an extensive form as to every minor ailment you have and other random questions. One of them asks "Which of these emotions do you feel in a day? Joy, Anxiety, Grief, Anger, Fear, Sadness" etc.... I don't understand why that is important, and furthermore what is normal? I checked all of them.

I immediately went into a deep meditative state, and after about 10 minutes, I felt a rush of energy and opened my eyes. I tried to move my hand and couldn't. She said that was normal, to feel 'pinned down'.

I've been twice now, and I really like it. I feel aligned. Later in the day my ankle aches where its broken, but overall I think it's helping.

I have gotten really good on my one leg. I can turn 360 degrees just by manipulating my toes. I'm sure that will come in handy sometime. I am also finding new uses for the crutches. I swing open doors, and then jam my crutch in like a door stopper. I can also move sideways.

The other day this woman said to me, "I feel your pain" I noticed she was walking on a sort of cast. I asked if it was an 'air cast' she didn't really know. What disturbed me was that she was moving slower than I was. I can get a good pace going with these puppies, but she was moving at a snail's pace. I always kind of assumed that when I could put weight on it that I would limp around pretty good, but I now realize that 'putting weight on it' is the small beginnings of a still longer journey of training my body to walk. My friend Veena said that when she had knee surgery, they told her never to limp, because the body learns to move like that and everything goes out of balance. You must try to walk normally with equal weight, but ever so slowly.

I am nervous about beginning work next week. I go to Vancouver Island a week today to begin 3 weeks of school improv shows. I a short tour in the fall... a teacher would say "Put your hands together for Vancouver TheatreSports League!" And we would all run out of the equipment room and runa round the gym before landing in front of our table. Now the other will run and I will slowly hobble out behind them. And some of these gyms are huge.

I fly to Calgary this morning to get more x-rays, pick up my car, visit my girlfriend in Edmonton, and get a new cast. The one I can start putting weight on. And drive the 11 hours back to Vancouver.

Achille's Heel

Just got in the door. Up 35 stairs and home. Up 4 flights of 7 and down one more flight of 7.

Yesterday morning, when I left the house to have the first rehearsal for this gig (a staged reading of Homer's 'The Iliad' produced by The Onassis Foundation from New York) I slid down (and up) the 35 stairs on my ass, with my guitar in one hand and my crutches in the other.

The two other musicians who played were unbelievable. They made it all sound amazing. Playing with such talented actors was a rush and a lesson!

The day before I did laundry and went up and down the 35 once to put in the laundry, again cuz I forgot to bring change, again to change the load, once to go to breakfast, and again to carry the rest upstairs.

Today, after buying 23 peanut butter daisies for my wonderful girlfriend who's rehearsing in Edmonton, I printed these forms about getting paid as an 'alien' and went to the theatre downtown. We rehearsed til 3:45 and began at 7pm

We played one song, 2 chords, for 30 minutes before the actors came in. The reading went really well.

The reception was nice. I realized that one cannot walk with a glass of wine whilst on crutches...

I was talking to these two women, who I thought might have been connected to our benefactors. They loved the show and loved the music, "I just wanted to close my eyes and go there..." Then I realized it was because they thought I was from New York. "It all seemed very New York, you know? nothing like that happens here..." I wanted to say, "It just did."

And we drove home, and I hopped up 35 steps to come home.

Tomorrow, acupuncture.

things and stairs

Ok.

Is it a phenomenon that you sweat more with a broken limb? Yes, showers are out of the question, but I bathe thouroughly, and yet...

I'll have to look into that...

THINGS YOU CAN'T DO WITH A BROKEN LEG
go grocery shopping
wear skinny jeans
dance
itch your foot
hot tub
cross your legs
Ski

Q to Q went good today, people seemed to like my sound design, which made me happy, cuz its a new thing for me. I had to operate the sound as well from the booth which is up a narrow staircase, then up again a 3 step ladder. The ladder looked much bigger than 3 steps. I actually had to lift myself up jumping onto each step on my right leg and holding on to the railing. Once I got up there, after 2 cups of coffee...

Stairs are suddenly my enemy. They used to be an inconvenience. Now they taunt me.

My place is on the 3rd floor, and once you get inside, you go DOWN 5 more steps. What once was the piece de resistance when someone came over, "Oooooh... they go down.....cool!" now seems like natures cruel joke.

There is an art to getting around my place. I abandon the crutches at the door and hop. After 11pm, the hop must change to a lighter hop. It's mostly toes. And you must keep your weight perfectly distributed over the one good leg. Little light hops.

Outside I've perfected the long-stride-crutch-step. With a little hop with the right foot, I actually gain a little air before the crutches touch the ground. And with a little push you get the slightest air before your foot reaches down again. It works great going downhill. It's pretty impressive. I totally passed an old lady with a stroller today.

Why has the science behind crutches not changed since Tiny Tim. Has NO ONE thought of a better way? Like a tiny hovering skateboard? Or a scooter that you lean your knee on?

Sometimes I think that you never see people with crutches because its kind of humiliating. You feel like you're from the dark ages. I could easily stay at home and watch movies all day.

But fuck that.

Break a Leg

So, today I had my first audition since before January 6. For The Buddy Holly Story. I was to bring a guitar, banjo, and sheet music. As soon as I got back to town I started thinking how this was going to happen. The audition was likely going to be on the third floor. How was I going to haul this stuff down the 3 floors of my place, to Granville Island and up three more floors?
I figured I would have to ask someone to come with me and be my handicap roadie.
I asked my singing coach. She was going to meet me there at 2:00, and play for me, but, this morning I suddenly felt that I had to do this myself. I called her in the morning she thought that was a great idea. I called Kelly to come with me and help me with my gear and she said she would too... then I got a call from Tom, who I borrowed the banjo from, who had an audition 10 minutes before mine. He carried all the instruments, I paid for the cab.
The stairs were small.
The audition was great.
I sang I'm Walkin.

Evening went to 'papertech' for the show I'm Sound Designing. Ivanov.
Q to Q tomorrow.

On Tuesday while I was flying home from Edmonton, I got talking to this guy Norman or something, a real estate agent. He had met some famous director, and asked him, "You know when you meet actors and they're kind of.... strange? Why are actors so strange?" And the director told him, "Think of the rejection, the constant rejection... That's got to do something to you."


So true, I said. So true!

The Entertainer

The Hospital in Invermere

I rode to the hospital and sure enough, I'd broken my lateral malleolus. The fibula just above the ankle bone. Right in two. Luckily it's a clean break and probably won't need surgery. I never really did feel any pain. Except when it moved of course. The doctor asked me if I wanted anything for the pain.

"Well... what do you got?"

"I can't give you the good stuff."

"Then i'm fine."

I was in a real good mood anyway. It was great to see the weird procession of BC Interior illnesses come through. An old man waiting at the front with a mask on. When he finally came in (he was wearing the mask cuz he had a cough) he told the doctor how the pain in his shoulder had moved to the other side and he had to work the farm before two weeks were up, he just had to. Another farmer had caught his hand in an engine and tore all the skin off. An old lady came through and had to use the bathroom, but was afraid when she walked in front of me that I would be able to see up the back of her gown. The nurse held it shut as they hobbled into the bathroom. And then there was a young girl who'd got a sparkle in her eye.

Ryan's Van died when he went home to get our cell phones. My uncle drove him and Michelle to the hospital to get my keys then back to the cabin, then they came and picked me up.

With my plans for the ski trip out the window, I eventually abandoned my car at the cabin and came back to Calgary to get more X-rays and rest at my parents place.

The Beginning

Today as I was sitting in the very special seating on the bus for very special people, I thought I might start a blog of my adventures as a one legged man, eking out a living as an actor in Vancouver.

Wednesday, January 6, I was skiing at Panorama resort in the Kootenays, with my brother, to warm up for a ski weekend in Revelstoke with our 10 cousins. On the last run of the day, I broke my leg.

we were coming down the 'extreme dream zone' and I had a blister on my right toe. I was navigating down the moguls, through the trees, favoring my left leg to save my poor blistery baby toe.

In retrospect this all seemed to happen in slow motion, but really, it probably wasn't as slow as it seemed. i came around the corner and caught an edge. my body was flung in the opposite direction and I remember thinking my knee might give out.

Suddenly I heard (heard from the inside of my body) a "POP" and I came to a stop. I didn't fall. It didn't hurt.

Bascially from there, my brother carrying my skis, I first slid on my ass, then tried one ski, then back to ass, then on two skis down a trail, and down the last half under the 'champagne chair' (see map)

When I got to the top of the bottom lift, I was done. I rode the "Sled of Shame" to the first aid hut, where they helped me take of my boot. "oh, there's definitely something wrong with it"

"Oh you're an actor? Have I seen you in anything?"

"Well... I do mostly theatre... and improv... I did one film but that was..."

She'd lost interest.

"What level are you? beginner?"

pause

"Intermediate?"

pause

"Advanced? Expert?"

"Advanced"

Ryan says, "Advanced?? You're expert!"

I looked at my leg.

"Obviously not."